Her Airman Page 2

  “Where are you staying?”

  He could answer that question. “One of Archer’s spare rooms. He’s letting me have it cheap, until I find work.”

  Riley’s expression shifted in an instant, as her furrowed brow melted into wide-eyed realization. “Really? And you’re still wondering what I was up to?”

  “Yes.”

  She gave a short laugh, but she didn’t sound amused. “I’m kind of surprised he didn’t mention it is all. We... Um... I was staying there for a while too.”

  That explained a lot. Riley and Archer, his two best friends, had a perpetual on-again, off-again relationship. “I thought you two were done.” Funny how Archer didn’t mention the on-again part of things when Zane mentioned where he was going this afternoon.

  “We are, this time.”

  He’d heard that before. He raised an eyebrow.

  “This is different from any other time,” she protested. “Now. I answered your question. You answer mine. Give and take, right? Where did you go?”

  Technically, nowhere. In truth, everywhere he hadn’t wanted to. “Afghanistan. Iran. North Korea. You already know that.” Her comment back then, when he gave her the basic details of his job, was I always thought Air Force equaled being some hotshot, flying fighter jets. You really get to hone your hacking skills instead? He’d told her it was called intelligence. Someone had to keep those hotshots safe in the air.

  He should have stuck to doing exactly that. Guilt tried to worm its way back in, and he scrubbed it out. This gnawing shadow was going to be status quo for a while, wasn’t it?

  She clucked. “All of that happened before you dropped off the radar. Where have you been for the last two years?”

  “How’s the drawing coming?” He snatched the first topic he could think of. Riley was a brilliant artist. She kept saying she wanted to go pro. Step up and teach at the community college at least. Maybe try to publish one of her graphic novels.

  While he was deployed, he’d happily sent her photos for reference shots—of him, of his Air Force buddies, all of it. Anything to help her with her passion.

  “It’s good. Now that you’re back, you and your truck can model for me in person.” She twirled her cup on the table. Her expression said she wasn’t buying any of his attempts to change the subject. But she was letting him do it anyway.

  “You drew my truck into your story?” It was an older model BMW 1602 he and Granddad converted into a truck when he was a teenager.

  A hint of a smile crept back in. “It’s got character. I love your truck. Your granddad let me take pictures whenever he pulled it out of storage for maintenance.”

  That made sense. Granddad adored Riley.

  Silence fell between them. Their conversations had never been stilted, so why did the silence feel wrong, now? Because he was keeping secrets, and so was she. Why did she have to hook up with Archer? Again.

  Not that Zane deserved a say in who Riley dated... And they never made him take sides, but it still made things awkward. “What else have you been up to?” he asked.

  She clenched her jaw for the briefest of moments before her playful smirk returned. “There’s not a lot to tell. Kenzie landed herself a sexy rich guy—you got a wedding announcement, right?—so I took over her condo payments. I’m thinking about buying it.”

  Which sounded fantastic, except for one teensy, tiny thing. “You hate living alone.”

  “I’m a big girl now. I can handle the scary noises. Speaking of...” She fiddled with her keys for a moment, before she finally pulled one from the ring. She leaned over the table and dropped the single key into his shirt pocket. “You’re always welcome to stop by. It might be more comfortable hanging out at my place.”

  His cock stirred, and a desire seared over him when she glided her hands over his chest, and the way she bent at the waist gave him a fantastic view down the front of her shirt. Oh, so many shared fantasies.

  She dropped back into her seat, toying with her hair, her gaze flitting everywhere. That felt out of place. It was like a dim image of what he remembered, but someone had missed something in the forgery. Her subtle discomfort didn’t sit well with him. “Aren’t you and Archer talking?”

  Most couples that broke up tended to not speak, but Riley and Archer were different. They always made up when they weren’t involved.

  She turned her attention back to her drink. “We’re working on it. It’s still awkward, but friendship first. Right?”

  “Always.” Zane wouldn’t overthink her question. Wouldn’t wonder if she was talking about Archer, or about what she and Zane got up to.

  THIS WAS WHY RILEY never wanted to date Zane. She couldn’t handle their friendship fracturing the way hers had with Archer. No one knew her better than Zane. She was so glad to have him back, she wasn’t giving him up again.

  Except this wasn’t the Zane she hung out with years ago. The difference wasn’t distinct, but he seemed more formal around her. Less at ease. And instinct told her it wasn’t only because of the Archer mistake.

  Please don’t let it be the cybersex. The last thing she needed was to drive away her best friend because their online conversation got a little—or a lot—intense. Maybe once they got comfortable with each other again, it wouldn’t be a big deal.

  She and Zane had flirted since before they were old enough to realize they were doing it, and once upon a time, she thought he’d be her Prince Charming. She figured out years ago their relationship didn’t work that way. He was the one man she felt comfortable saying that about. She could tease him all she wanted, and he gave as good as he got, but it didn’t mean anything romantic.

  “Does this whole friendship first thing mean I’ve lost my chance?” Zane stuck out his lower lip in an exaggerated pout, teasing dancing in his pale eyes.

  As if. She laughed and shook her head. “Even if you didn’t mean too much to me to just be some random hookup, I’m trying to change. I’m done falling for every guy who smiles at me.”

  “So, what? You’re never dating again? Things might get a little lonely in the bedroom... You sure you can hold out?” Of course he had to go there.

  Not that she minded the playful banter. This was so much better than sidestepping conversational landmines. “I’ve got a good vibrator. I’ve also got a lot better grasp on my desires than you and your so-called celibacy. We both know how not true that is.”

  His tiny smirk defied his attempt to look innocent. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I haven’t been with anyone since— Well, you know.”

  And... moment ruined. He meant Sabrina, the Air Force girlfriend. She still didn’t know why he thought sleeping with a superior officer was a good idea. Riley studied him—the sturdy set of his jaw, the scruff of probably two days’ worth of beard. God, he was sexy. “I didn’t mean physically.”

  “Ah. Right.” The corner of his mouth quirked up in a half-grin.

  Riley was referring to all the times one of them had been lonely or horny, and their conversations became more than casual banter. “I’m guessing it’s easier to hold out when you’ve got someone on call who you can talk dirty to.”

  “If you’re saying that to cite my lack of willpower, I wasn’t always the one asking.”

  “Whatever. Now that you’re back, the tail is going to be throwing itself at you. You won’t need me anymore.” It was supposed to be a teasing comment. Tossed out without meaning. But the words tasted sour in the back of Riley’s throat.

  “I will always and forever need you.”

  His reassurance burrowed deeper than she expected, reassuring and soothing nerves she hadn’t realized was exposed. “Me too. I mean—“

  “I know what you mean.”

  Of course he did. That was part of who they were. And now they could get back to normal. No worries.

  Chapter Two

  “What happened with you and Archer?” Zane asked.

  And they were back to that. Riley’s neck tensed until it ached in
her skull.

  The Archer thing wasn’t really a big deal. So why was she making it one? “Why do you think it was anything different than any other time?”

  “Probably because you said this time was different. Also, because you won’t give me a direct answer.”

  Riley fiddled with the locket hanging around her neck, tracing her thumb over the Friends Forever etched on the back. Zane wouldn’t make fun of her if she told him. But she still questioned whether she’d done the right thing. “It maybe, possibly, didn’t end on the best of notes.”

  “I got that much. What did he do?”

  “He proposed.”

  “Proposed... a threesome? New bathroom towels?”

  Seconds ticked away. She stared back. Please get it. And please don’t think I was stupid about it. A sharp chill whipped through the afternoon, and she shivered and pulled her arms tight around herself. The April sun in Salt Lake City might be nice, but the moment it dipped behind the mountains, the cold sank in. At the drive-thru, someone’s fan belt squealed. Children’s voices carried from an open car window.

  Zane’s eyes grew wide. “Like down on one knee?” At least he didn’t look disappointed—that was something to be grateful for—but she hoped for some kind of sign he wasn’t going to hold it against her for walking away from something like that.

  “Candlelit dinner, champagne—the works.”

  “And?”

  “And I turned him down, and we decided maybe it was time we went our separate ways.”

  “I’m... sorry it didn’t work out?”

  That lacked sincerity. Relief trickled inside Riley. “No, you’re not.”

  “I’m sorry it has you on edge. I wish I knew what the big deal was.”

  She twisted her mouth in frustration. Not with him, but with herself. “Everyone already thinks I’m a flake who can’t maintain a solid relationship. Like... everyone. My sister. You—”

  “I don’t think that.” He rested a hand on hers.

  Warmth spread through her at the gentle touch. “Right. All this what happened now and something always happens stuff, and you don’t think I’m a flake.”

  He dropped her hand but didn’t pull back. “That’s not about you. It’s about Archer. The two of you aren’t the same people around each other.”

  She ducked her head, guilt adding to her lingering doubt. She didn’t want to be the wedge in his friendship with Archer. Why couldn’t she take Zane’s explanation at face-value? “It’s just that I had someone stable, with a good job, who didn’t expect me to buy his weed or ask me if I wanted to do my twin sister while he watched, and what did I do? Told him no and walked away. Destroyed everything. Maybe my only chance at something good.”

  Zane clenched his hands into fists, his jaw growing tighter with each word she said.

  Please don’t let him close off again.

  “I bet he didn’t even get you the right ring.” A smile broke through his shifting expressions.

  She paused, brain wrapping itself around the words. Was he really talking about...? There was no way he remembered that. “It had a diamond on it. Solitaire, pretty, princess cut. You know, every girl’s dream ring.”

  “Except yours.”

  It had been over a decade, and Zane still remembered. The realization warmed her. They’d been at the mall, and they passed a jeweler. She pointed out an engagement setting in the window and said, if she ever got married, she wanted something just like that. Low profile, so it didn’t snag on anything, but brilliant and unique. She’d never seen anything like it before or since.

  Back then, Zane made a face, said he didn’t understand why girls spent so much time thinking about things like that, and then tugged her toward the food court.

  “No. He didn’t get me the right ring.” She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

  “Did you love Archer? Do you love him?”

  She’d lost count of the number of times she asked herself that question, and she didn’t know the answer. “He’s a good guy.”

  Except for every habit he had that drove them apart. And those she had, which he hated. And that no matter how many times she tried to talk to him about it, he’d been boring in bed. And he thought her art was a waste of time. And... And... And...

  But he’d never hit her or asked her for money. And he would have taken care of her.

  Zane tugged at her fingers to draw her attention. “It doesn’t mean the two of you belong together. Do you love him?”

  It wasn’t as if she knew what love really was. What if she did love Archer and was too dense to recognize it? “You’re the only other guy I’ve ever met who’s that considerate and fun. Okay, you’re a billion times more those things, but you’re also not the one who proposed.”

  “You’re avoiding my question. If you prefer, if those are your only qualifiers for what makes marriage material, and supposedly I have them in spades, would you say yes simply because I asked?”

  Her breath caught. Would she? The thought of Zane down on one knee, or even better, of her spending the rest of her life with him made her pulse race.

  No. Romance ruined friendships. “No. I don’t love him.”

  “So you made the right choice.” He caressed her knuckles with his thumb.

  She smiled, the reassurance not chasing away her misgivings, but making it easier to believe she’d been right to walk away.

  “You didn’t answer my other question.” He smirked and slid from his seat to come around to her side of the table. He dropped to one knee next to her and took her hand in his.

  What’s he doing? He’s teasing me, right? Blood rushed in her ears, making it hard to hear. They’d been catching up for all of half an hour, and he was talking about love and marriage?

  “Riley Ann Carter”—he locked his gaze on hers—“we’ve known each other forever.”

  Oh God, he’s really doing this.

  “You’re the sexiest, most intelligent woman I’ve ever met.”

  Riley’s heart stopped. He twitched. The corner of his mouth pulled up for the briefest moment.

  He continued. “With your sister being a close second.”

  Her stomach plummeted. He was yanking her chain. Trying to distract her.

  “Would you”—his serious expression faltered again—“and she make out, while I watch?”

  Was that really relief flooding her or just the tiniest bit of hurt and disappointment? She smacked him on the arm. “You’re an ass.”

  He sat on the bench next to her, his leg brushing her knee. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t help it.”

  “You’re not sorry.”

  “Promise me something?”

  “What?”

  “I meant what I said, except that last bit. You’re the smartest, most fun and brilliant person I know. Promise me, regardless of how many guys come and go, you won’t marry one unless he deserves you—the amazing you—and that you’ll never beat yourself up for turning someone down.” He lifted her face with a finger under her chin. “Say it. Promise me.”

  “I promise.”

  “Want to get out of here?” Zane stood and offered her a hand up.

  She shivered when another gust of wind rushed past her. Some place warmer might not be a bad idea. “Dinner?”

  “I’m in. Where to?”

  She let him pull her to her feet and landed closer to him than she intended to. The bite in the air stole her breath, and she let her attention linger on the heat of his grip. “You pick.”

  “I’m fine with whatever.” The intensity of his gaze drilled into her in the most delicious way.

  Her thoughts fuzzed, and all she could make sense of was the fading sunlight and the stillness around them. She didn’t pull away, settling a hand on his chest instead.

  His heart hammered under her palm. Maybe she needed to get back to the elephant in the coffee shop parking lot... “About what happened while you were gone.”

  “Which what?” His question was low and throaty. />
  Tingles rose under her skin from the way her body molded to his sturdy frame. “The flirting. The dirty talk. The long-distance mutual masturbation.”

  “What about it?” He placed his hand against the small of her back, holding her tight.

  Heat flooded her, chasing away the chill in her legs. “Was it a mistake?”

  “Do you think it was?”

  No. God, no. That was what she wanted to say. What she’d wanted him to say.

  She swallowed the response. As enticing as the thought of continuing things in person was, something ran underneath, tempering her desire. “It was fun, but we were both heartbroken and lonely. Besides, in person is a different story.” Understatement of the century.

  He dropped his arm from around her waist and stepped back. His shoulders relaxed, but the corners of his mouth tugged down. “It’s true.”

  “I told you things I’ve never told anyone.” She hadn’t meant to admit that. “But having the expectation out there—”

  “Exactly.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “It puts up a wall we don’t want.”

  The conversation was rapidly deteriorating into a wall of its own. “So we’re still friends, what was in the past is in the past, and we can move on?”

  “No assumptions, no expectations. We don’t have that kind of physical relationship.”

  The tension evaporated from her neck. “I appreciate that.”

  “Besides”—he relaxed—“I’d rather be friend-zoned than what you did to Archer.”

  Friend-zoned. She hated that phrase. It implied she owed someone sex because she was nice to them. “What happened to it not being my fault?”

  He shrugged, his smile wilting. “I’m not saying you were wrong to turn him down; I completely agree. But you know... on again, off again. Giving him hope, when you know you don’t love him.”

  She clenched her jaw. “If I’d known that, I wouldn’t have given us another try. You know me better than that.”

  She thought he did, anyway. The reason she flitted from guy to guy was because she was looking for that special something. Love was such an elusive thing, she didn’t want to miss out because she refused to look.