Looking For It (Three Player Co-op Book 1) Read online

  I heard a duet of grunts, Jax and Grayson, but I was too lost in sensation to focus on either. I was pretty sure the vibrator slipped out, but I didn’t care. Not with the way he slammed inside me, his pelvis rocking against mine. His cock hitting me at the perfect angle.

  His groans grew tighter as his movements became more frantic, and then a pause and a shudder. The way he gripped my hips tight, then released, I knew he’d come too.

  Jax dropped to his elbows, barely holding himself above me. The heat of his chest mingled with mine. He dipped his head, mouth near my ear. “God, Dee Dee, you’re incredible.” His voice was so soft, I could have imagined the words. The heat of his breath on my skin said this was all real.

  The desire to giggle like a little girl was back. I settled for a quiet, “You too.”

  “I think you’re both pretty fucking amazing.” Grayson’s voice was strained. I rolled my head to the side to see him with his dick in his slick, glistening hand. Fuck. He came to the sight of us... This was better than any fantasy.

  The opening strains of “Heathens” by Twenty One Pilots filtered through the room. Usually one of my favorite sounds, because it meant one of my best friends was calling. “I should get that. It’s probably Lyn.” I couldn’t keep the disappointment from my voice.

  “Yeah.” Jax slipped out of me and pushed to his feet. He grabbed my phone from my nightstand and handed it over.

  I couldn’t help but stare at the way his jeans hung off his hips and his softening cock dangled loose. I mentally shook my head, and answered the phone. “Hey.”

  “You all right?” Lyn asked. “You sound winded.”

  “Moving boxes does that.” I’d probably spill the beans about this as soon as she and I were alone, but it felt awkward right now. In fact, a whole lot of uncomfortable was setting in. How was I supposed to act around Jax and Grayson?

  “Good point,” Lyn said. “Anyway, you were taking a while, so I called to make sure you were okay. See if you needed me to send the troops. Or a hot pizza guy.”

  I definitely didn’t need the second one. The guys had left my room, and the sound of running water came from the bathroom. “I’m good. Chase couldn’t make it, so we made other arrangements. But I’m on my way soon, and I’ll explain everything when I get there.” The drive should give me a chance to figure out what everything was.

  “A line like that, and I expect a story.”

  A story. “It’s not a big deal.” Understatement of the year. “See you soon.”

  The guys were back, both dressed again. Jax lingered in the doorway, watching me with an unreadable expression. Grayson joined me, sitting next to me on the bed. I tugged my sweatshirt down, suddenly intensely aware that I was still half-naked.

  “Are we good?” Grayson’s arm brushed mine.

  Good. They were incredible. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t touched me. That he got off to the show made it that much hotter. But that wasn’t what he meant. He wanted an assurance that nothing had changed between the three of us.

  “We’re good,” I said.

  He kissed me on the forehead—a gesture that had never seemed more than friendly until this moment. “We’ll see you there.”

  “And we should keep this between us,” Jax said from the doorway.

  Grayson frowned.

  My warm fuzzies vanished. Of course they’d want discretion. Why would Jax want anyone to know he’d done anything with me? “Of course.” My tone was cool. “I’m not telling anyone.”

  Jax clenched his jaw.

  “That’s not how he meant it.” Grayson’s voice was hard.

  How many ways were there to mean don’t tell anyone we had sex?

  “Forget it.” Jax jerked his head toward the front door. “She’s right. Let’s go.”

  Chapter Three

  After a quick clean-up of my own, and a touch-up to my makeup and hair to get rid of that freshly fucked look, I was on my way to Lyn’s.

  I shouldn’t be irritated about Jax’s request. It wasn’t like I thought that one moment would lead to more. Their future involved the two of them, and mine pointed toward a Hollywood career with a doting husband, an amazing wedding, and the most perfect dress anyone had ever seen.

  But I didn’t like the idea of being anyone’s dirty little secret. That stung. It hurt worse that Grayson put up so little argument, than Jax making the request in the first place.

  I cracked the window in my ancient Subaru, to let the cold December air hit my hot face. I loved this time of year—yeah, I was a Basic girl. Uggs and Peppermint Mochas all the way. Most people expected me to love Halloween the most, but I dressed up year-round—bonus to being a cosplay queen. The only thing that made October different was everyone else did as well.

  Some people said costumes were about pretending to be someone else for a night or two. In a way, I agreed. But it was more about embracing individuality. Not pretending I was someone else, but being me, in whatever package, job, and universe I chose. I loved to see people exploring that. Which was the reason I loved Christmas. For me, it was all about finding the perfect gift for each person.

  The holiday lights were gorgeous too. I could wander for hours through a Christmas village, admiring the lights and losing myself in the cheery mood.

  When I got settled in my new place, I had big plans for Christmas fun on my channel. Things like quick fun accessories and unique gifts for anime fans that anyone could make from supplies around the house. How to go from safe-for-work Christmas cheer to sexy-fun after with the same outfit. Grayson was even going to model the guys’ stuff for me.

  Would he still agree? How much had our friendship changed? Not at all?

  I didn’t believe that. Neither did they. We should keep this between us. Jax’s voice was back in my head, taunting me.

  Growing up, Jax’s mother was sick a lot, which made him a semi-permanent fixture in our house. By the time I hit junior high, I’d decided I was going to marry him when we grew up. Which was how I got into sewing and then cosplay. The perfect wedding required the ultimate dress and I didn’t trust anyone else to make mine for me. Not that I’d ever told him any of that. Thank God.

  I was certain our love was meant to be, and he’d figure it out sooner rather than later. I was such an idiot, but not in the I should have approached him sort of way. In high school things changed. I hit my junior year, and Jax got friendly. He’d always been nice, but this was different. He started flirting. I ate it up.

  There were rumors he was going to ask me to the New Year’s dance. I was figuring out what kind of dress I was going to make. Satin. Blue to match my eyes. Gold ribbon and embroidery to match his.

  Thinking about how naive I’d been clenched like a fist around my heart. Chase had stopped me before I spent an entire paycheck on fabric. He was so nice and sympathetic, and that didn’t make his words any easier to hear. Jax had been bragging—locker room talk—about how awesome he was. He’d convinced the girl in the tack outfits that he liked her.

  Chase promised me he’d shut Jax down. Said no one could talk about his sister like that.

  Jax hadn’t stopped flirting, though. Nausea churned in my gut at the reminder of him asking me to that dance. I’d told him, screamed in the middle of the school common area, that I wanted him to stop. I wouldn’t be his joke.

  He did stop. Stopped talking to Chase or me. Stopped coming to the house. I still hurt over the entire thing. The day they graduated, he apologized.

  I’m sorry. For whatever I did. I didn’t mean it.

  It took a few years, but I’d forgiven him enough to be friendly with him. He and Chase made up sometime in college, and we all grew up and moved on. It had been a decade, and the way we got along now had allowed me to separate that moment from him.

  Today wasn’t a mistake. I’d had fun. As far as I could tell they did too. However, I needed to distance myself from what happened, the way I did with our past.

  Which started now, since I was at Lyn’s
place, and she was already helping Jax and Grayson carry in my boxes from Grayson’s truck.

  Fortunately, this part didn’t require much interaction. Grab some stuff, take it up to my new room on the second floor, and go back for the next load. I swore the entire process took longer than loading the vehicles had.

  As we moved the last few boxes, I worked on pasting a smile into place. The manual labor had pushed most of my muddled-brain-ness aside, as well as chasing away the winter chill.

  I grabbed a couple of lighter tubs that stacked, and headed for the stairs, passing Lyn. She spun on her toe, fell into step beside me, and tugged the back of my hair.

  “Ow.” It didn’t hurt so much as caught me off-guard. “What was that for?”

  She held up a piece of fuzzy lint, the same color as my mattress pad. “Love the new accessory. Are we calling this Catch of the Day?”

  “I wasn’t catching anything.” I snagged the fluff from her hand shoved it in my pocket. “That’s what condoms are for.” We were eternally teasing each other about our sex lives. I shouldn’t have dropped the hint that she was right this time. Not while Jax and Grayson were here. Not after that exchange earlier.

  “No shit. Is this why you took so long?”

  At three-quarters excited and three-quarters confused, I was bursting to share. “Maybe.”

  “Since when are you seeing someone. Are you? Did you send Mr. Mysterio home before they showed up, or is he why Jax is scowling?” Lyn kept her voice low, but excitement hummed in her voice. She was about half a second from peppering me with questions so quickly I wouldn’t be able to keep up. “Did they interrupt you?”

  “No. That definitely wasn’t an issue.” There was no way I wasn’t blushing. I set my load on top of an existing stack. This room was as big as my old bedroom and living room combined. The flat white walls in here were going to be so much better for filming against when the occasion called for it.

  I turned to see Lyn staring at me with wide eyes, her mouth agape. “No shit,” she said.

  “We need your keys.” Grayson’s voice came from the doorway, both startling me and sending a pleasant shiver up my spine.

  I whirled to face him, already digging the ring out of my pocket. Did he overhear us? He was watching me with a strange expression, but it almost looked... sad. Or was that longing? Definitely not. “For what?”

  “The rest of your stuff is in the hallway. We’re going to grab a truck full of your furniture.”

  “Sounds good. I’ll meet you there.”

  He held out his hand. “We’ll do this run alone. It’s really only a two-person job.”

  “Oh. Okay.” I couldn’t keep the hurt from my voice as I handed him the keys to my apartment. It was a reasonable request, but it felt like there was more attached to it.

  Grayson dipped his head next to my ear, and a flash of memory overlapped Jax, and that tender moment earlier. “It’s okay, I promise,” Grayson whispered. “We’ll talk this afternoon.”

  I nodded and stepped back. “Text me when you leave there, and we’ll order pizza.”

  I watched him until he disappeared around a corner and down the stairs. Normally I’d be enjoying the view, but my mind was in other places.

  “Oh. My. Lord.” Lyn’s exclamation dragged me out of my head. “Does Grayson know? Or was it with him? That’s why Jax is upset, he walked in on you. No, you said you weren’t interrupted. Was it both of them? Holy shit, what was that like? What were you thinking? Chase is going to flip. Not that it’s any of his business. Was it amazing? I bet it was. Tell me.”

  A tiny laugh escaped me, mingled with a sigh. Lyn was a literal genius, and her brain and mouth tended to lay out everything all at once, rather than pondering any of it first.

  I was a master of acting without thinking everything through, but she thought it as she did it. When I met her I didn’t know how to process her behavior. Now I adored it. “It was amazing. And confusing. They were both there.” I wasn’t ready to share details. If I talked about it the magic might vanish, and I was already struggling with the fallout. “What was I thinking?”

  “You were thinking you were tired of being trapped in a shoujo, where there’s so much tension you think the room might explode, and you wanted to finally move past the final end credits, and do more than gaze longingly at each other.” Lyn grabbed my hand and tugged me toward the kitchen.

  I rolled my eyes, but her enthusiasm was chasing away my dread. “We’re not an anime. It was a one-time thing. There’s no happily ever after here.” For them maybe. And for me with my one and only guy.

  “You say that now.” She handed me a Mt. Dew and grabbed herself a Diet Coke from the fridge.

  We took seats at the kitchen table. “Forever. I’m not supposed to tell anyone. They’re embarrassed about it. I made a mistake, didn’t I?”

  “Does it feel like a mistake? Not the circles your brain is chasing you in, but the actual moment. Do you want to take it back?”

  I wanted the awkwardness around it to go away, but not at the cost of... Yeah, I wasn’t ready to give up the memory of Jax’s touch. His kisses. Grayson’s gaze on us. His groans. “No.”

  “So it wasn’t a mistake. They’re big boys, they can deal with it. They are big, aren’t they?”

  My laugh was back. “I’ll never tell.”

  “Yes you will.” Lyn kicked me under the table. “And that’s all the answer I need.”

  Thank God for friends who got me. If only what came next, talking through things with Grayson and Jax, was going to be even a fraction as simple.

  Chapter Four

  Jax and Grayson returned with my bed strapped to the bed of Grayson’s truck, and the rest of my bedroom set underneath. Most of my furniture was going into storage or to my other best friend, Anne, since Lyn already had furniture here.

  Seeing the guys bring my bed in summoned memories of the last thing we’d done on it, and a knot formed in my gut. Fortunately, the arrival of the pizza lady was the perfect distraction.

  Lyn and I gathered sodas and stacks of plates from her upstairs kitchen. She always had a massive variety of drinks on hand, because she got a good deal buying them in bulk for the shop. I was grateful when she suggested we set it all up on the coffee table in the living room. I still needed to figure out simple things like could I make eye-contact with Grayson and Jax? The kitchen table would make that a more pressing concern than I was prepared to deal with.

  When Lyn grabbed a small salad from the fridge, I frowned. “It’s moving day. Indulge.” I kept my tone light.

  Lyn was gorgeously curvy, and every other month she started another diet to try to hide her amazing features. “Burning calories isn’t an excuse to consume more.”

  “That’s exactly what it is.” I wished I could make her see what I did—that her intelligence and beauty didn’t need to bend to fit anyone else’s perspective. She was perfect as-is. I wouldn’t push the issue today, though.

  Grayson joined us first, and then Jax, both of them grabbing a couple slices of pizza before settling on the couch next to each other.

  I staked out one of the oversized beanbags, and Lyn perched on the edge of a chair. A heavy silence settled over the room as we gave our attention to our food.

  “You ready for RinCon?” Lyn asked Grayson.

  Thank God for her and small talk. RinCon was an international gaming competition put on by Rinslet. One of the largest gaming companies in the world, started by a couple of local guys.

  Grayson was an exhibition gamer. He used to compete. It was how he’d met Jax, who worked in sales with Chase at Rinslet. Grayson had been thinking about stepping back from the competitions anyway, but dating Jax made the decision easier. Retiring kept Grayson from traveling so much, and helped them both avoid any conflict of interest. Now Grayson did most of his gaming online, and appeared at shows like this as part of the hype, to play against other top-tier gamers.

  Grayson flexed his fingers and rolled his wrists. �
��As ready as I’ll ever be. I’m up against a newcomer from Korea this year, but I’ve got a good luck charm.”

  Jax was good like that. The two of them together were perfect. I glanced up to see Grayson watching me with an unreadable expression, and heat flooded my cheeks. “You’ll do great,” I mumbled through a mouthful of pizza.

  “Your interview is tomorrow, isn’t it?” Jax looked at me. “You excited?”

  I was nervous as fuck. “Of course. Opportunity of a lifetime and all that.” My reply came out with less enthusiasm than I intended. Tomorrow’s meeting was the first of several I’d lined up, to speak with Hollywood costume designers and get myself on someone’s team. The next step in my plan.

  Lyn’s phone rang. She glanced at the screen and sighed so heavily her body deflated. “I need to take this.” As she answered, she left the room at a quick pace. Her voice faded then vanished.

  Jax met my gaze. “You have the worst poker face in history. You said you were okay with this morning. Second thoughts?”

  “I’m pretending it never happened, just like you asked.” My retort came out with a sharper edge than I intended. Where was the balance between discretion and embracing what we’d done? I’d had a total of two one-night stands in my life. Hookups with guys I met online that ended with a walk of shame.

  Grayson set aside his plate. “You’re not pretending very well.”

  “And I could have sworn you called it casual fun. So what’s with the silent treatment?” Jax said.

  “I don’t appreciate being treated like a dirty little secret.” I winced at my own phrasing and my immature retort. Neither of them was being aggressive. They seemed willing to talk through this, and I’d prefer to still be on speaking terms with them at the end of the day.

  Jax scowled. “You think—”

  “That’s not what he meant.” Grayson’s tone was kinder than Jax’s.

  Calm down. Be a grown-up about this. “Explain it to me.”