Hearts in the Sand Read online

  “Breathe.” Gwydion kissed her palm. “Talk it out. If you can force it to become words, you can shove them away.”

  “You remembered,” Min said.

  She nodded, and tried to do what Gwydion told her. It was a struggle to process more than I’m fucking dying. “I can’t put it into words. There’s so much...” Pain. Love. Hate. Anger. Despair. It all clogged her lungs.

  She couldn’t think about it, let alone speak the horrors of her past.

  And she had no doubt now that it was all her past. The love. The death. Everything.

  “I can’t. I need air.” She broke away from them. Somehow, with trembling hands, she managed to yank on her clothes.

  She stumbled from the room, ignoring their pleas to come back. Gwydion caught her in the hallway, and grabbed her arm. The pain of his grip almost dragged her back to reality, but it wasn’t enough.

  Kirby shook him off. “Let me go. Now.

  He held his hands up in surrender, and stepped back.

  She rushed for the stairs, not having the mental capacity to wait for an elevator.

  And then she was on the street. There was no one else out here. Darkness covered the ground, and stars winked at her from above.

  She should go back to their room, but she couldn’t puzzle past the pain. Every inch of her throbbed in agony. Why did this hurt so much? Why did she always di so early in life? Right after she found them. Before she became anything. Before she could be who she was meant to be.

  What was the point of Odin’s useless fucking curse if she never lived long enough to learn and grow?

  The longer she walked, the more the memories sorted themselves. As love and death split, it was easier to focus on the good. Sometimes she had months with Gwydion and Min... and Starkad. He’d been her first love. He was part of the reason Odin cursed her. Would she survive this life long enough to find him as well?

  She wanted to. She had to.

  This wouldn’t be like the other times. She’d have more than days or half a year to love. To grow. To reemerge as the Valkyrie she should be. She was going to survive this time. She didn’t care what it took. No one was stealing her life again.

  She wandered aimlessly until the sun crested the horizon. Her feet were sore. She’d forgotten her shoes. She wasn’t in the nice part of town anymore. The buildings here were crumbled and in disrepair.

  She was numb but every inch of her ached. She was exhausted and high strung

  Kirby screamed into the dawn, pouring everything into the sound. Letting it tear from her until her lungs burned and her throat was raw. When she stopped, the silence rang in her ears. It was both soothing and disconcerting.

  A low-pitched whistle greeted her, and then her world exploded. Pain engulfed her again. But this came from outside, and engulfed her in a flash of light and flame. An explosion nearby.

  And it reached others. Death. Destruction. Lives that weren’t meant to be lost. It all screeched together in an ear shattering crescendo.

  It all bled into her, and tears spilled down her face, evaporating in the fire. These people weren’t warriors. They were civilians. Innocent. They didn’t deserve death any more than she had in her past lives.

  As the fire and grief and death consumed her, she fell to her knees, and sobbed.

  Chapter Eleven

  Shouting punched through Kirby’s unconsciousness. So much worry. What was wrong? She tried to open her eyes, but it burned. She couldn’t see.

  A pair of arms wrapped under her knees and behind her shoulders. Lifted her. Min.

  “We have you. You’re safe.” Did he sound worried?

  Why? What happened? She couldn’t make her mouth form the words. The comfort of being held stole her thoughts, and she let everything fall away.

  When she woke up again, soft blankets cradled her. She was in bed. Pain lingered on her skin, but it wasn’t the intense, all-consuming agony she’d felt before.

  She forced her eyelids open to see Gwydion sitting in a chair next to the bed, watching her.

  “Hey.” He brushed his fingers across her face. “How do you feel?”

  “Am I gonna live, doc?” What she meant as a joke came out as a dry croak.

  He kissed her forehead and laughed. “Yes. Most definitely yes.”

  Min moved into view as well. He set a glass of orange juice on the table next to her, helped her sit, and held the glass for her.

  She downed half the glass, marveling in how good it felt sliding over her parched throat. Best juice ever. “What happened?” She asked when she felt like she could speak.

  “At the risk of triggering something, what do you remember?” Gwydion asked.

  The images and sensations that rushed back hurt, but it was a phantom throb. Nothing more. “Pain. So much fear and despair. Mine. Everyone else’s. Every life I’ve lived before. All of it.”

  Min furrowed his brow. “I believe you ascended. I don’t know a better word for it. Hold out our hand.”

  She did as requested without hesitation.

  A dagger appeared in his hand. Neat trick. The blade was polished to a high shine, and the handle looked like intricately carved ivory, with a Pegasus. He jabbed her palm.

  “Ow.” She pulled away instinctively, before realizing that hadn’t hurt. She wiped her thumb across the well of blood. The wound underneath vanished as she watched.

  “You can still be hurt,” Min said. “But it takes a great deal to make the wound permanent. You’re becoming immortal.”

  She liked the sound of that. It meant not dying again, didn’t it? Something else was in her head now too. Not just her past lives, but a pull. A need to be back where the battle was. To watch over the fallen, and bless the worthy.

  And save the innocent? That wasn’t why she’d been created, but she needed... “What else happened?”

  “A stray Scud missile landed near you.” Gwydion let out a noisy breath. "It stuck a heavily populated building. It should have killed everyone, including you.”

  Her gut soured. She didn’t deserve to live, while they died, because she’d been cursed. That wasn’t fair.

  “It didn’t kill anyone.” Min settled on the bed next to her. “You prevented it from causing death. The building was destroyed. The people inside all survived. Because of you.”

  Because she had the gift to decide who lived in battle, and none of those people deserved that dark fate. They didn’t choose this. Relief and righteousness filled her.

  She glanced at the windows. The gray light that had been there when she woke up was now almost black. “What time is it?”

  “It’s Sunday night. About nine.” Gwydion nodded at the clock.

  She was disappointed. But it didn’t make much impact on her heart, with everything else going on there. “We have to get back to base soon.” They should already be there. “How long until they declare us AWOL?”

  “Your CO knows we were near the blast.” Gwydion didn’t look as worried as she felt. In fact, he had fewer lines of stress on his face than he had since she met him. He looked more like the carefree man she remembered from the past. “It bought us some time. But we don’t have to go back. You can do whatever you want. We can walk away from all of this right now and never look back.”

  She wanted to give him that. He was tired of fighting. He’d been front and center for every war that drew her back. It had devoured his heart over the years.

  Her memories told her all of this, but even if they hadn’t, it was written on his face.

  “I can’t. I belong here. Serving those who do battle.” She wanted to give him what he asked for, but she couldn’t.

  His sad smile said he’d expected her answer. “Your doctor can declare you incapable of returning to the front lines.”

  “My doctor will respect my wishes.”

  Gwydion nodded. “Always.”

  “So how does this work? What do we do next?” She had to return to duty, but she couldn’t give them up. She wasn’t. An interrupted we
ekend of catching up wouldn’t sate her.

  Min lifted her with no effort, to move her into his lap. “The two of you will be discreet, and I’ll go find Starkad.”

  She leaned into his chest, and reached for Gwydion’s hand. “You despise Starkad.”

  “I tolerate him for you. And next time you have leave, I’ll consume all of you and your time.”

  She loved the sound of that. “It’s a date.” And because she refused to die again, this life they’d all spend enough time together to learn what she saw in each of them. To not only recognize that she loved them all, but to understand why.

  Odin’s curse wouldn’t steal her life again.

  Epilogue

  6 Months Later

  Kirby and Gwydion sat on the plane, parked at the gate, waiting for the other passengers to disembark. Min was waiting inside, and nervous flitters danced in Kirby’s gut at the thought of seeing him again. But the other passengers were anxious to see loved ones too. She had eternity with her men. There was no reason to shove anyone aside in a rush to get off the plane.

  Besides, Gwydion was the same amazing company he had been for the last six months. He sat next to her, the arm between their seats moved out of the way so she could lean into him.

  “I miss limitless ice cream,” he murmured against her fingertips.

  She had a whole list, but now that they’d landed, the desperate need to do everything all right now had faded. “Real hamburgers. Sleeping past five am. Air conditioning.”

  “Privacy.” He brushed her hair from her neck, and traced his lips along the bare skin, sending pleasant tremors through her.

  “Gods, yes. Privacy.” They’d had more privacy than most—she had as close to her own tent as anyone got—but canvas was worse than thin apartment walls when it came to what people could hear through it. She and Gwydion hadn’t managed to be as discreet as they wanted. They were one of those couples on base everyone knew about but no one talked about.

  But Desert Storm was over, and lifetimes of possibility stretched out in front of her.

  Gwydion trailed his fingers along the edge of her thigh. She shouldn’t feel much through the dense fabric of her BDU’s, but every touch was more intense when it came to him. Power and strength flowed between them, subtle but alluring.

  “Showers,” he said. “Needlessly long. Indulgent. In the kind of place where I can pin you to the wall and fun you until neither one of us can stand.”

  The silly smile she’d worn for most of their flight grew with the images he evoked. Ghosts of sensation danced through her with the fantasy. “I do like the way you think.”

  “Of course you. Because I’m brilliant and fucking amazing.”

  “You are amazing at fucking.”

  “Which is why you love me,” he said.

  “No, I love you because...” She grasped for the right words. He was smart, funny, incredible in bed—it was true—sympathetic, caring... He’d been there for her in half a dozen lives—

  “Don’t fall over yourself to list every reason all at once,” Gwydion teased.

  She laughed. “That’s exactly what I’m trying not to do. I love you because of everything.”

  “If I were a less secure man, I’d make you spell it out anyway. Then again, if I were a less secure man, I wouldn’t read your sexy love letters from your other boyfriend aloud while you got off to his poetry.”

  Min definitely had a way with words. She’d kept all of his hand written notes. They were tucked safely in watertight pouch at the bottom of her duffel bag. “See?”

  Gwydion nudged her forward. “I love you too. Always and forever. Let’s go see what’s changed in the world over the last year.”

  A spike of anticipation coiled in her stomach as she stood, at the idea that Min was so close. They grabbed their bags from the overhead bin. Gwydion reached for hers.

  She shrugged the strap over her shoulder instead. “I can carry one little piece of luggage.”

  “Fine. Take away my shot at chivalry.” His smile peeked through his grumble.

  As they strolled onto the hallway that connected to the airport, the March chill bit into her skin, reminding her she was in a tank top, not a jacket. It was delicious. Late winter in Virginia, where it would be months before it got even close to as warm as the coolest days in Kuwait.

  Min’s primary home was in L.A., but he was here working with his latest investment. Something called America Online. His letters insisted he was going to connect the world via computer.

  Kirby didn’t understand the appeal in that, but Min didn’t have gaps in his centuries of experience, and he did have an eye for innovation, so she was willing to wait and see.

  They stepped into the airport, and there was Min, waiting a few feet back from the gate. He looked incredible, and his heated gaze melted her insides in the best way.

  She dropped her bag and fell into his arms. Into his kiss. Each hungry clash of their mouths zinged through her with desire, and she gripped his arms tight, needing something to cling to. He nipped her lips enough to sting, danced his tongue with hers, and devoured her groans.

  When they broke apart, she struggled to find her breath. He drew a finger along her bottom lip. “I need to stop now, or I’ll undress you and take you right here.” His voice was a baritone rumble sliding down her spine.

  “Wouldn’t be the first time.” She pressed her body into his, reacquainting herself with every hard line.

  “True. But I don’t make the laws in this place, and being arrested for public indecency is one more obstacle to keep me from you.” He bent to grab her bag.

  “Oh sure, let him be the gentleman.” Gwydion’s protest was playful.

  She turned back to him, and brushed her still-tingling lips over his. “He’s not already carrying one of his own.”

  Gwydion rolled his eyes, but his smirk disrupted the look. “I’m kind of surprised he didn’t pick you up too.”

  “I considered it.” Min rested a hand at the small of her back and pointed her toward the exit.

  Their chatter was superficial as they located the luggage carousel and grabbed the rest of their things. Kirby had so much to say to both of them, but Gwydion was right about missing privacy. She wanted just them for the next several days, and anything important she had to say would wait until they weren’t surrounded by crowds.

  When they stepped outside, she shivered at the icy blast that washed over her. She loved it.

  “We need to get you a real coat,” Min said.

  “Or, we could spend most of our time indoors between now and L.A. and not worry about.” Kirby was only half-kidding. “More realistically, not yet. I need the novelty of frigid temps to wear off first.”

  It was a short stroll to a limo that waited at the curb. Min and Gwydion had never hidden their wealth, but this was a new level of ostentatious. “Do you live like this every day?” Kirby couldn’t imagine someone else driving her around all the time.

  “No. However, I needed someone else driving today.” Min nodded at said driver as the man opened held the back door open for them. “I’m not waiting any longer to have you.”

  Heat spilled through her, making her forget her inappropriate clothing for the weather. She slid onto a leather seat, and Min joined her. The world vanished on the other side of privacy glass when Gwydion shut the door behind him. He took the seat across from them.

  The car bounced faintly a few times, she assumed as their luggage was loaded up and the driver took his seat, and then they were pulling into traffic. A barrier separated them from the front of the car. It really was like being in their own world.

  “Now I don’t have to behave.” Min grabbed her hips and lifted her.

  She straddled his legs, letting warmth and desire overtake longing. When he kissed her, she knew there wouldn’t be any interruptions this time. His mouth was firm and demanding as he devoured her moans.

  Kirby had enjoyed every minute with Gwydion, but Min was a different flavor. F
ortunately, Kirby sandwich with extra meat was on her list of things to do over and over.

  “Knowing you were out there, so close but just out of reach, nearly drove me mad.” Min growled against her lips, before biting the fleshy swell.

  She couldn’t grasp any response beyond a moan as he glided his hands under her top and slid his palms up her stomach. Sparks flowed between them. She’d loved the letters, but this was a billion times better.

  A third hand snaked up her spine, Gwydion, and unsnapped her bra. The tension binding her breasts fell away, but it didn’t relieve the tightness in her nipples.

  Min broke the kiss to pull her tank top and bra over her head, and lowered his mouth to her chest. He lay wet, open kisses along her skin, down to her breasts, before wrapping a tongue around one pink nub and drawing it into his mouth.

  She gasped and arched into his attention when he nibbled her nipple.

  Gwydion sat next to Min, gripped Kirby’s hair, and kissed her hard. She lost track of whose hands roamed where as teasing touches covered her bare skin. Desire thrummed between her thighs. It was easier to sink into the overwhelming attention than to focus on an individual act.

  Kirby alternated between their demanding kisses, their mouths falling to other parts of her body in the empty space. Her hips gyrated, grinding her against Min’s legs and looking for relief for the pulse in her core.

  The car slowed as they merged with the other traffic leaving the airport, and Kirby glanced at the dark glass. “Can anyone see us in here?”

  Min kissed the hollow behind her ear, and nipped her earlobe. “No. But if you’d prefer otherwise, I know places where I can take you in front of an entire room.”

  “I didn’t say that.” Fresh images flashed in her mind, of Min making her beg, making her come, while a crowd of hungry people looked on and got each other off.

  “Is that a no?”

  Her panties were going to be soaked by the time she got the rest of her clothes off. “I didn’t say that either.”

  “Good. Because we have a lot of missed time to make up for, and I hear you have a list of desires.” Min undid the button and zipper on her pants.