Beauty Awakened Read online

  “In a lot of ways that’s more intimate. It implies more trust and less flingyness.”

  While she wanted to think she was just being honest by saying something up front, she recognized what it meant. “We’re talking about you and me and the baby.”

  Around them, people came and went, some in groups and others alone, all involved in their own lives. If any of them noticed the pocket of tension that radiated around Tara—around the corner they sat in—it didn’t show.

  “I don’t know what to say.” He raked his fingers through his hair. “I couldn’t sit on the other side of the ocean any longer. I want to be here. I want to be with you.”

  Tara clenched her jaw, preparing to repeat herself.

  “And I get it. How you feel. Why you feel that way about the child,” Nathan said before she could interject. “I’m not here to change your mind. But I am asking for more time to think about it. It’s a big decision, and neither of us wants it to be a hasty one.”

  “And what if you decide you’re not interested?” Tara didn’t want to ask. The possible answers terrified her. Did she cut him out of their life? Would she do that to anyone else?

  If they were going to stick around long term otherwise, yes. Besides, it didn’t matter what she’d do to anyone else. Nathan was Nathan. The answer was both simpler and far more complicated. She couldn’t imagine life without him, and she couldn’t let herself feel that way if he wasn’t all-in.

  “I don’t know,” he said, gaze turned to his now-empty cup. “But you were right that I can’t pretend I want into this family if I don’t. And right now, I can’t say if I do.”

  A wave of bitter sadness surged inside, and Tara bit the inside of her cheek to keep it from breaking her wide open. She knew what came next, but saying it lodged in her chest, until she couldn’t breathe past the block. She swallowed it all down, and forced strength through her veins. “Then no, you can’t have a key.” Her voice cracked on the word key.

  “But, we’re going to work through this. It’s my home.”

  She hated the hurt and disbelief in his retort, and how closely it mirrored the sludge churning in her gut. “I want to. I’m not shutting that down. And I’m glad you’re back. I want you to come back to work. I want to find a new place for the shop with you. I miss you like crazy.” She couldn’t lie about that. It ached that he sat a few feet away, but it was still out of reach in so many ways.

  She tried again to steel herself. “If you move back in, it’s going to make it easier to pretend nothing’s wrong, and harder to ask you to leave if your decision about the baby doesn’t agree with mine.” She managed to force the words out, despite the acrid burn they left in her throat. “You can come and go. Grab your stuff. Visit. But you can’t stay there. Not now. Not like this.”

  “But Nick can.”

  She wanted to be surprised Nathan brought that up. But of course he did. “I know exactly where Nick stands on things, and he’s...” only visiting. She couldn’t say it. “...he’s told me how he feels about the whole situation.”

  “Okay.” Nathan sighed.

  That was too vague. “Okay... what?”

  “Okay, I’ll stay someplace else while we work this out.”

  “Just like that?” Tara shouldn’t question it, but the simplicity of his surrender didn’t sit right with her.

  Nathan’s laugh was a loud bark that drew stares from several other tables. “There’s no just to this. It’s not an easy concession to make. I don’t want to go sleep in a fucking hotel. I want to sleep next to you. I want things to go back to the way they were. Since that’s not an option, I’m going to adapt. But don’t think I like it. I don’t see any other options on the keep you in my life side of the fence.”

  She didn’t either. She wished to Christ there was something other way that didn’t feel like a really bad idea. “Okay,” she said meekly. “What now?” She needed a break from making decisions.

  Nathan shrugged. “I guess I need a broadcast schedule, and to help with finding a new location.”

  “I don’t have anything official. We should work one up.” This was wrong. Going back to life as normal except for that one big, glaring, misplaced piece. No other option. “And I have a couple of

  “I’m looking at property listings. There’s nothing nearby, and I haven’t...” Talking about this dug deep. It reminded her the big reason she hadn’t done anything was Nathan. Missing him. Not wanting to do this without him. Now she had him back for the business, but he might as well be half a world away still. “I need to figure out commuting. Nothing’s really spoken to me enough to put much thought into it.”

  Nathan’s smile was weak. “I’m kind of surprised you haven’t asked your parents for a little help. A nudge with the right contact?”

  Had she really not told him about that? Too much had happened in such a short amount of time. “I’m not on speaking terms with them right now.” Her confession came out tiny, and tugged loose new threads of embarrassment and sadness.

  “What happened?” His tone softened.

  Nothing as bad as what he’d gone through, but it still hurt. “There was a little disagreement over Christmas about— They wanted to know when we’re going to outgrow this phase of fucking around.” Not their words, but their meaning.

  “I’m sorry.” Nathan reached across the table and grasped her hands.

  It was the first real contact they’d had since he got back, and it jolted through her like liquid fire and ice. She wanted to pull away and draw closer at the same time. She settled for squeezing back. “Thanks. I don’t know what to do about it. I’m not going to change, and I don’t want to approach them and demand an apology if they don’t see what they’ve done wrong.”

  “I get that. They’ll come around.”

  “How can you say that with so much certainty?”

  He raised an eyebrow. “After what happened to me? Because I’ve seen you with your family. Your parents are a bit more traditional, but they work to understand you.”

  Apparently not. Tara liked the reassurance, though. “I hope so.”

  “Can I ask why we came here instead of Mr. Esposito’s place?”

  Another thing Nathan didn’t know yet. “He sold the property. An offer he couldn’t refuse.”

  “Oh. I wonder...” Nathan frowned.

  “About what?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t know. Nothing, probably. I ran into Matilde at the airport this morning.”

  Tara bristled at the name. It would be nice if this was all the other woman’s fault. At least something would be simpler. “How’d that go?”

  “Weird. She asked a lot of questions about us vacating the property. Not just the shop, but she pushed me from about five billion directions about whether or not you were going to keep living there.”

  Tara let a hint of smugness leak in at the idea that she was causing Matilde any irritation or inconvenience. “Is she afraid I’m marring her perfect city with my refusal to roll over and play dead about anything?”

  “Who even knows.” He let go of her and withdrew his hands.

  Tara forced herself not to clench her fists or wriggle her fingers or reach for him again. The conversation may have shifted to something more casual, but the cloud that kept them apart still lingered.

  “Do you have plans tonight?” Nathan asked suddenly.

  Look through real estate listings. Stuff her face with the craving of the evening. Pretend it wasn’t killing her to have Nick—and now Nathan—so close, but still at arm’s length. “Nothing I can’t change.”

  “Have dinner with me.”

  “Do you want to stop by, or we can order in?” She paused. They didn’t have that kind of relationship right now.

  “No. I mean I take you out, like a real date. Woo you. We can’t start over, but there are some things we can hit Reset on.” He studied her with an intensity that bored into her soul and threatened to unravel any semblance of control she had.

 
; That wouldn’t solve anything. It wouldn’t offer a solution to the big thing that hung between them.

  But it wouldn’t break anything either, and a night out sounded incredible. “I’d love to.”

  “Pick you up at eight?”

  She smiled and nodded. “That sounds perfect.”

  “Hang on.” A familiar female voice cut through the chatter of the cafe, and grated down Tara’s spine like nails on a chalkboard.

  Where did she know that voice from?

  She had her answer a heartbeat later, when a blond woman stopped next to their table. Aria. The random girl Tara made out with at the bar, what seemed like an eternity ago.

  “Tara, hey.” Aria was all fake smiles and teeth. “This is Ceres. We were just talking about you.”

  “Really.” Tara let an icy mask slide into place. “Funny. I haven’t mentioned you in... ever.” Meeting Aria seemed like a fun idea at the time. Until she revealed she was only interested in Tara for the gossip factor. Aria wanted to brag to her friends she’d fucked the slutty ex-wife of a member of Parliament.

  Aria leaned closer, lips next to Tara’s ear. “It doesn’t matter what really happened,” she whispered. “I can tell people anything I want.”

  Tara knew that all too well, and this girl didn’t hold a flame to the kind of gossip Tara had tolerated. “You can.” Tara spoke in a normal volume, happy to let anyone with hearing distance hear. “And I can honestly say to anyone who asks that my night with you was so abysmal and dull that I can’t remember most of it.”

  “I—”

  Nathan pushed back from the table to stand, and offered Tara a hand. “Let’s get out of here.”

  “All right.” Tara gripped his fingers tight, needing the extra support. She looked Aria over one more time. “Nope. Didn’t leave an impression at all.” She brushed past the blonde.

  “Socialite whore.” Aria’s call hit her back.

  Tara swallowed a flinch, and ignored the loathing that rose inside as she walked from the cafe with Nathan.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Nathan was hurt and angry and stunned that Tara refused to give him a new set of keys.

  He needed to remind her why they were amazing together. Why they needed each other. Why Nick wasn’t the ultimate answer.

  That’s now what this is about.

  Nathan wasn’t listening to that argument. Not now.

  He was focused on the woman across the table from him, in the trattoria. Tara wore a silk blouse, and slacks that flattered every curve, making it easy to watch her every move.

  They conversation wasn’t so simple. They’d exchanged polite hellos. She gave him a kiss on the cheek—the fucking cheek—like he was a friend of the family or something.

  And now they were sipping wine and picking at dinner while they stared at their plates.

  “How was Chicago?” Tara asked, then frowned. “The other parts of it.”

  The night with Nick was fun. Nathan should have done more of that while he was there. “It brought back a lot of memories, good and bad. Made me want to show you around someday.” That wasn’t what he’d meant to say, but it sounded like fun.

  “Yeah?” A smile flickered across her face, reaching her eyes for the first time that evening. “Chicago? I’d love to.”

  “It might not make a good second date. We’ll save it for number three.”

  She tugged her braid. “I’m holding you to that.”

  The exchange felt good, but he wasn’t sure how to follow it up. “I like what you came up with for Nick.”

  “You wouldn’t have made any changes?”

  “It wasn’t my art.” He shrugged.

  Tara tilted her head and studied him. “That’s not what I asked.”

  Because this was part of who they were. She didn’t want critique, she wanted collaboration, and he was great with that. “I wouldn’t have changed it. I’d love to see a counterpart or two. Maybe two guys to keep her company. One in a flame robe, and one as a sea monster.

  “Which one would you put on me? And on you?”

  Why would they wear tattoos that matched Nick’s? He knew the answer, but it was tucked away in the part of his brain he didn’t want to access tonight. “I’d have to think about it.”

  “Hmm...”

  And like that the conversation stalled.

  “I came up with some rough art,” Nathan grasped for something to turn the topic without completely blowing it off course. “We need to take a look together, and at anything you’ve done, so we can fill air time until we’ve secured a new location.”

  “I’d love to see it. I haven’t done much, but I have a couple of ideas...” Her frown was back.

  He wasn’t looking forward to an evening of ups and downs. How did they get past this? “What’s wrong?”

  “This is supposed to be a date, and we’re talking business.”

  That was a concern he could address. Hell, he could knock this one out of the park. “That’s who we are, though. We work together. We create together. I’m not taking any bit of conversation off the table.”

  “What if I follow it up with Nick has this idea for expanding our brand...?”

  Nathan tried to keep his expression pleasant, but he felt the involuntary twitch. Fortunately, the hand he had under the table was the one that clenched. “I’d love to hear about it.” Did he keep his voice steady?

  Her twisted mouth said no. “Don’t do that. Don’t say it if you don’t mean it, and don’t be jealous of Nick.”

  “It’s hard to not be at least a little bit envious.” It felt good to admit that. Better than it should.

  “He’s not Mr. Perfect. I don’t even know if I want him around long term.”

  Nathan heard the waver in her voice. “Yes, you do.” It felt good to put that out there, too. Nick’s sticking around in her life—hopefully theirs—may not be official, but she wanted it to be.

  “Yes, I do.” She sipped her wine. “But I want you here too.”

  And yet, she was pushing Nathan away. He knew that wasn’t the reality though. He understood her decision as much as he didn’t want to. “I want to be here.”

  “Nick’s brilliant. He’s got this head for business and structure and marketing. I can’t wrap my brain around half the things he’s got this solid grasp on.”

  And now they were back on Mr. Perfect-but-not. The guy with the sharp brain, and the gorgeous body, and the large, throbbing—

  “But you are too,” Tara said. Under the table, she teased her toes along Nathan’s shin. “I would never build art with Nick. I created what he’s wearing, but I asked him what he wanted, and I drew it. I wouldn’t sit here and have a discussion with him about the creative direction of our business. About what art we’re going to create next. And I’ll never forget how much you’ve been there for me.”

  She made it all sound so simple.

  “What did you tell him about tonight?” Nathan asked.

  She traced her toe higher, sending a pleasant shiver across his skin. “That my boyfriend was taking me out to dinner.”

  “And how was he with that?” Please let her say jealous. Because Nathan was sick of feeling petty because he couldn’t shake that nagging instinct.

  “On the surface? Aggressive and confident. He told me he’d kick your ass if you hurt me again. Underneath? I’m still learning to tell with him, but he’s uncomfortable with the arrangement.”

  As long as they were sharing secrets and baring their souls, Nathan had something else to get out. Maybe this wasn’t the best time to bring it up, but that could be a convenient excuse for a while if he let it. “Listen. When Nick was in Chicago, he and I...”

  “Almost screwed. He told me.”

  “I wasn’t trying to hide it. I was just looking for an opening.”

  “I get it.” She leaned in, pressing her arms together, and enhancing the extra undone button on her blouse and giving him a fantastic glimpse of her cleavage. “It’s not the kind of thing you an
nounce when you slide your key into the lock and realize it doesn’t fit.” She looked the opposite of pissed off.

  Desire licked his senses. “Exactly.”

  “He said it was a mechanical issue.”

  “We didn’t have any lube.”

  Tara laughed. God, he’d missed that sound. “How far did you get?” she asked. “And how was it?”

  The question yanked on a loose memory, and images flooded Nathan’s mind. Nick’s kisses. His touch. The heat the flowed between them. That, combined with the way Tara teased his leg under the table, chased away the negativity. “Over the clothes. Lots of kissing and groping. It was good. Great. I see what you like about the guy.”

  “I hope you saw it before the making out.”

  Nathan had, but the fucking added a new layer of delicious. He also needed to remember Nick stopped to see him. Nick could have come back here to Tara without making any sort of detour, and Nathan never would have given it a second thought. “Perhaps.”

  “If it had happened, I’d want details.” She glided her toes higher, along the inside of Nathan’s knee, then teasing his thigh. As far as she could reach without sliding down in her seat.

  Nathan’s doubts and hesitation evaporated. All that mattered was here, with Tara. He’d missed her on every level—intellectual, emotional, and physical. With the past dancing in his mind, and her teasing touch drawing him. He liked the playful twist to her tone. “You’re going to get off to stories about me not-quite fucking some other guy?” He was good with that.

  “Not just any guy. A very specific guy. You know what we should do?”

  He did. The instant she asked, the answer popped into his head, and it was brilliant. Like any of their collaborations. “Go back to the bar, the one where you met Aria, find that same booth, and let me fill your head with naughty stories while I feel you up in the dark.”

  “I fucking love it when you’re in my head.” Her reply was a soft purr.

  A TINGE OF APPREHENSION lingered on Tara’s skin as they stepped into the bar. In a way, this was where it all started. Not just the less-than-great night with Aria. Tara and Nathan had come here to distract her from Marco’s name being on the list of people who had used an adultery dating website.